


Only You

by GhostDetective



Series: Downton Mixes [9]
Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Angst, Closeted Character, Forbidden Love, Implied Mary Crawley/Original Female Character, Internalised Homophobia, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Secret Relationship, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 14:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15997208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostDetective/pseuds/GhostDetective
Summary: Once upon a time we had it allSomewhere down the line we went and lost itOne brick at a time we watched it fallI'm broken here tonight and darling no one else can fix meOnly you, only youOh no one else can fix meOnly you, only you, only youAnd no one else can fix meOnly you





	Only You

**Author's Note:**

> I had wanted to write a different Little Mix song this month, but when I sat down to write it, I found that, though the ideas were there, the words weren't coming. I was feeling it more with this one, so I swapped them and wrote this instead. Hope you enjoy it.
> 
> Lyrics from Azlyrics.

“Dancing with your silhouette in the places that we met  
Ooh, tryna find you in the moon  
Paris never feels the same  
When the streets all call your name  
Ooh, so I hide in crowded rooms” 

Philip looked out over the city from the balcony of his London house. He should be happy, he had just got married to a beautiful heiress, just as he had wanted, cleared off his debts just like he’d wanted and had returned from his honeymoon in Paris, which was a beautiful city. He should be pleased that his plot had come together, but he found that he couldn’t be. All he had done was exchange one, admittedly quite serious problem, for another. The result was that he was condemned to forever hide in the shadows, publicly appearing as the dutiful husband and eventual father; but behind the veneer of respectability, he held secret thoughts and burning passions, passions that no wife, however beautiful, could fulfil. He sighed miserably. There was only one person who could fulfil them and he was quite sure that that was the one person who would never want to see him again. Thomas Barrow. 

“And I'll follow right down the river  
Where the ocean meets the sky  
To you, to you

Once upon a time we had it all  
Somewhere down the line we went and lost it  
One brick at a time we watched it fall  
I'm broken here tonight and darling no one else can fix me  
Only you, only you  
Oh no one else can fix me  
Only you, only you, only you  
And no one else can fix me  
Only you, oh  
Only you” 

Philip knew he had little right to complain. He had been the one to end it, after all, but it hadn’t entirely been his choice. His mother, interfering witch that she was, had found his letters and called him to her. Ever the pragmatist, she had told him that he should never be so foolish as to put anything in writing that he may have to defend in the future. She has thrown his letters on the fire and instructed him to do the same to Thomas’, once he had gone to Downton under the pretext of courting Lady Mary Crawley. She told him that, while he was a bachelor, whatever his rank, mud stuck. Better to be married and put paid to those rumours, then he may do as he wished. She had even gone to the trouble of sourcing eligible heiresses, who may be able to clear off the family’s debts. 

With a heavy heart, Philip had gone to Downton to end things with Thomas, Thomas’ raw heartbreak had torn Philip apart, but he knew that it must be this way, to keep them both safe. He knew it was selfish to do this, hurt Thomas to save himself, but he told himself that he was really doing it to keep them both safe. He had never intended to marry Lady Mary, it would have meant that Thomas would be there and wherever Thomas was he brought such wonderful temptation, and Philip couldn’t ask the Crawleys to throw Thomas out onto the street just because Philip let his dick do all the thinking. He couldn’t do that to Thomas, he loved him too much. 

“Did I let go of your hand for a castle made of sand  
Ooh, that fell into the blue  
I went following the sun to be alone with everyone  
Ooh, looking 'round a crowded room” 

Philip had got home to find that his mother had brought the lovely Lady Elizabeth and her family to dine with them. Lady Elizabeth had been perfectly charming company, a good match, his mother had said, but all Philip could think of was Thomas and the hurt that Philip had caused to him. 

He had wanted to hide himself up in his room, but his mother had insisted that he take a walk with Lady Elizabeth. She wasn’t even subtle about throwing the heiress at him. Philip had dragged himself out to stroll with her, but the charming heiress had been far from the shrinking violet that he had imagined. She knew about his tastes and had said that, in exchange for a title, she would turn a blind eye to his ‘indiscretions.’ She was a shrewd woman. But how did he know that his secret would stay that way? Because, she had told him, Eton was far from the only place where these things happened and, the next time he was at Downton, he should ask Lady Mary about their time at Roedean. 

They had married the following June. 

There had never been any suggestion that love would blossom between him and his wife, she would have her life, he would have his, and their relationship would be symbiotic, but they would at least be companions and Philip could live with that. 

“And I'll follow right down the river  
Where the ocean meets the sky  
To you, to you

Once upon a time we had it all  
Somewhere down the line we went and lost it  
One brick at a time we watched it fall  
I'm broken here tonight and darling no one else can fix me  
Only you, only you  
And no one else can fix me  
Only you, only you  
Only you  
And no one else can fix me  
Only you, oh  
Only you  
Falling, falling, yeah  
Only you, only you  
Only you, only you  
And no one else can fix me  
Only you  
Only you  
Only you"

Philip stepped back inside the room and closed the door. He went to his wardrobe, rummaged through the secret compartment of his case and took out a button. It had come from Thomas’ shirt when he had wrestled him to the ground. Thomas hadn’t noticed, the moment he’d extracted himself from Philip’s arms, he had left in a cloud of anger and hurt. Philip had watched the love of his life go, then looked down, seeing the button on the floor. He picked it up. It was as though the gods had given him a reprieve. Something to remember his love by. Thomas would never be lost to him if he had this. Philip’s family had silver, gold and fabulous jewels, but none meant as much to him as this button. 

Philip pressed it to his lips, kissing the button softly.  
“I love you.” 

“And no one else can fix me  
Only you”


End file.
